May 4, 2025
Learning to Feel It in My Shoulders First
The juice was spreading across the table in slow motion. My jaw clenched before I even registered what had happened. That tiny tightening, I caught it just in time. A year ago, I might have snapped at my child for the mess. Now, I felt the anger like a ripple, not a wave.
As parents, we often respond to life in autopilot, only noticing our anger once it's boiling over. What I've learned is that anger makes itself known earlier than we think. It starts in the body, often with a clenched jaw or stiff shoulders. Recognizing these signs was a revelation for me.
The Physical Signs We Miss
Before I tuned into my body's signals, anger seemed to explode out of nowhere. I couldn't understand why I went from calm to shouting in seconds. But our bodies know. My shoulders tense, my jaw locks, and my stomach churns, these are the whispers of the storm building inside.
I started tuning into these signs, not out of some quest for Zen, but out of necessity. Parenting children with ADHD can feel like living with a thousand tiny emergencies. You deal with a spilled drink only to have a shoe disappear or homework forgotten. The cycle builds pressure until something snaps.
Learning to Listen
Once I recognized my triggers, a new question emerged: what could I do before it spiraled? I began practicing a simple pause. When I felt my shoulders tense or my teeth clench, I took a breath. Not always to calm down entirely, but to create just a little space between the trigger and my reaction.
That space is precious. In it, I find some clarity. Sometimes it's humor; other times, it's just a reminder that this too shall pass. The kids see a mom who's human, who sometimes messes up, but is trying to do better.
The Little Changes Matter
Feeling my anger earlier hasn't made me a perfect parent. But now there's a chance to choose. Will I yell or will I address the feeling? Some days I still yell, but more often, I manage a controlled reaction. The kids notice the shift too, mirroring back a bit more patience and understanding.
It's in these small moments of awareness that I've begun to trust myself. The anger no longer blindsides me as often. I feel it in the shoulders first, giving me a moment to decide.
There's a quiet power in knowing that we don't have to be at the mercy of our temper. The socks will still vanish, the juice will continue to spill, but maybe, just maybe, we handle it a little better next time. And that feels like a small victory.